I have been thinking alot lately about the relationship with my husband and how much of it revolves around good hearty belly laughs with each other and very little serious conflict (although we have had our hurdles).
As of 11 November 2011 we will have been married for 22 years.
The date of our marriage was very significant for three reasons.. (1) it is Remembrance Day and marks the anniversary of the armistice which ended the First World War; (2) it was on that same date in 1975 that the Governor General of Australia dismissed the sitting Government at that time; (3) and, on the actual day of our wedding in 1989, it was the day the Berlin Wall came down.
There were two available dates for our wedding the 11th and 18th, but the devil in me led me to choose the 11th mainly because it was the day that the Labour Government, under the leadership of Gough Whitlam, was dismissed from power. I should take this opportunity to point out that my husband had voted for them, and I had voted for the opposition, hence my less then kind jibe. However, my husband was never one to miss a beat, and as I cheekily explained the date I had picked and why.. he immediately quipped, "that's okay I can have a minute's silence for myself every year".
[NB: Each year Australians observe one minute silence at 11 am on 11 November, in memory of those who died or suffered in all wars and armed conflicts.]
I couldn't help myself.. I just burst out laughing realising he'd outwitted me again the clever bugga.. *chuckles*
That is the way it has always been between us. We have always relied on our humour in good times and in bad.. it has been a common bond between us. I am sure people think we are insensitive and insane sometimes, but our weird and zany humour allows us to put things back into perspective, and remember not to take life (or ourselves) too seriously.
When hubby and I first started dating I really wasn't sure that he was the right person for me, and I really was not overly encouraging. I remember one evening after a particularly witty and cutting session between us, he said to me.. "You know, if you were a nicer person you'd get more flowers and luncheon dates" .. making reference to the flowers he had given me, and his invitation to lunch.. to which I promptly replied.. "Just because I don't get them from you, doesn't mean I don't get them".
He just shook his head and had a quiet laugh and said, "Kerri 3000 pts, Me none".. and then it became a bit of game between us, until one day he sent me this card..
I was sharing a unit with my best friend at the time, and he noted on the card that we were the two polar bears and he was the poor lil Eskimo. *laughs*
It was funny, but he did get our sympathy vote, and my friend actually turned to the darkside and encouraged him to hang in there, reassuring him that he was the right man for me.. and of course the rest is history.
Over the years we have drawn on our humour over and over again to see us through, and it something that we are now pleased to see that we have successfully passed onto our son.
Sometimes a laugh at the most inappropriate times, for the most inappropriate reasons, can be just so right because it releases the tension and reminds us that the sky will not fall if we are not always so deadly serious over things.
One classic example was at my mother's funeral. She had passed from cancer, my son was about four years old, so I had read up on books on how to handle grief with young children. The book recommended letting him choose for himself if he wanted to be at the funeral or not, to trust him to know what he could deal with, and it also suggested that we explained to him that because the heart stops pumping blood when we die that the body then goes pale and cold. This was particularly important for me as my son had said he wanted to go to the funeral and our family observes the tradition of an open coffin prior to the service.
So, my two sisters and I are in the church, giving mum one final kiss before they put the lid back on the casket, when my son asked if he may touch my mother. We were all a little bit taken aback, but my sisters nodded to say they didn't mind.. so I picked him up and reminded him again, that her body will be cool to touch as her heart was no longer pumping blood.
Well.. *laughs* he put his chubby lil hand flat on her chest and in his loudest voice booms out to the whole congregation.. "ohhh she is cold.. just like an iceblock!" I almost dropped him!! *laughs*
Being November, and at the very beginning of our sub-tropical Australian summer I had totally forgotten that her body would have been refridgerated. It took all our self control for my sisters and I not to break out laughing, especially seeing some of the scandalised looks from the older women in the church.. but I am confident that my mother would have appreciated the joke.
There had been a lot of heartache surrounding her death and ensuing guilt by each of us for our own reasons, and his simple observation cleared away all the rubbish and helped us restore our perspective.. we were then able to sit through the service with open hearts and minds and pay our mother the final tribute she deserved.
Of course.. that wasn't the only time my precocious son shocked my socks off.
Another time, when we went to take my Aunt shopping I was feeling particularly nervous because she had bought a new wig. Due to chemo she had lost her hair and instead of opting for the same silver grey that she was before, she decided to buy a beige blonde wig. I was more then a little concerned how my son would respond, so i cued him up to the fact that Aunty had bought a wig and decided to get a brand new colour just for a change.
So, we drove over to her apartment, she comes down to meet us and immediately chats to my son through the car window asking him.. "do you like my new hair?" ... to which he answered, "Oh yes, its very pretty"
My entire body just slumped in relief.. then she just had to push it and follow up with the question, "Did you recognize me?" to which he replied most indignantly, "Of course I did! I saw your krinkly face."
*laughs* if a truck had been coming down that road at that time I would have jumped in front of it! Luckily my Aunty was such a beautiful humble soul that she only chuckled and told him that it was very "lived in" face.
Our lives are made up of all these precious memories.. we all have our collection of children's stories that we retell over and over.. or other amusing tales and incidents.
They are part of what binds us to those we love. Indigenous Australians share their heritage through their stories of the dream time, just as other cultures share their ancestory through their story tellings.
In our family (and I am sure many other families) it is through our humourous tales and antedotes. When we can all be moved to tears of outrageous laughter as we recount a particular story or incident, it opens up our souls and hearts to each other, bringing us closer in ways that nothing else can.
In this day and age of bipolar, depression, post traumatic stress syndrome, and other psychological conditions, it helps to remember that sometimes all we need to do is relax, turn off the stress and turn on the humour instead.
Laughter really is the best medicine.. Ain't life funny?
As of 11 November 2011 we will have been married for 22 years.
The date of our marriage was very significant for three reasons.. (1) it is Remembrance Day and marks the anniversary of the armistice which ended the First World War; (2) it was on that same date in 1975 that the Governor General of Australia dismissed the sitting Government at that time; (3) and, on the actual day of our wedding in 1989, it was the day the Berlin Wall came down.
There were two available dates for our wedding the 11th and 18th, but the devil in me led me to choose the 11th mainly because it was the day that the Labour Government, under the leadership of Gough Whitlam, was dismissed from power. I should take this opportunity to point out that my husband had voted for them, and I had voted for the opposition, hence my less then kind jibe. However, my husband was never one to miss a beat, and as I cheekily explained the date I had picked and why.. he immediately quipped, "that's okay I can have a minute's silence for myself every year".
[NB: Each year Australians observe one minute silence at 11 am on 11 November, in memory of those who died or suffered in all wars and armed conflicts.]
I couldn't help myself.. I just burst out laughing realising he'd outwitted me again the clever bugga.. *chuckles*
That is the way it has always been between us. We have always relied on our humour in good times and in bad.. it has been a common bond between us. I am sure people think we are insensitive and insane sometimes, but our weird and zany humour allows us to put things back into perspective, and remember not to take life (or ourselves) too seriously.
When hubby and I first started dating I really wasn't sure that he was the right person for me, and I really was not overly encouraging. I remember one evening after a particularly witty and cutting session between us, he said to me.. "You know, if you were a nicer person you'd get more flowers and luncheon dates" .. making reference to the flowers he had given me, and his invitation to lunch.. to which I promptly replied.. "Just because I don't get them from you, doesn't mean I don't get them".
He just shook his head and had a quiet laugh and said, "Kerri 3000 pts, Me none".. and then it became a bit of game between us, until one day he sent me this card..
I was sharing a unit with my best friend at the time, and he noted on the card that we were the two polar bears and he was the poor lil Eskimo. *laughs*
It was funny, but he did get our sympathy vote, and my friend actually turned to the darkside and encouraged him to hang in there, reassuring him that he was the right man for me.. and of course the rest is history.
Over the years we have drawn on our humour over and over again to see us through, and it something that we are now pleased to see that we have successfully passed onto our son.
Sometimes a laugh at the most inappropriate times, for the most inappropriate reasons, can be just so right because it releases the tension and reminds us that the sky will not fall if we are not always so deadly serious over things.
One classic example was at my mother's funeral. She had passed from cancer, my son was about four years old, so I had read up on books on how to handle grief with young children. The book recommended letting him choose for himself if he wanted to be at the funeral or not, to trust him to know what he could deal with, and it also suggested that we explained to him that because the heart stops pumping blood when we die that the body then goes pale and cold. This was particularly important for me as my son had said he wanted to go to the funeral and our family observes the tradition of an open coffin prior to the service.
So, my two sisters and I are in the church, giving mum one final kiss before they put the lid back on the casket, when my son asked if he may touch my mother. We were all a little bit taken aback, but my sisters nodded to say they didn't mind.. so I picked him up and reminded him again, that her body will be cool to touch as her heart was no longer pumping blood.
Well.. *laughs* he put his chubby lil hand flat on her chest and in his loudest voice booms out to the whole congregation.. "ohhh she is cold.. just like an iceblock!" I almost dropped him!! *laughs*
Being November, and at the very beginning of our sub-tropical Australian summer I had totally forgotten that her body would have been refridgerated. It took all our self control for my sisters and I not to break out laughing, especially seeing some of the scandalised looks from the older women in the church.. but I am confident that my mother would have appreciated the joke.
There had been a lot of heartache surrounding her death and ensuing guilt by each of us for our own reasons, and his simple observation cleared away all the rubbish and helped us restore our perspective.. we were then able to sit through the service with open hearts and minds and pay our mother the final tribute she deserved.
Of course.. that wasn't the only time my precocious son shocked my socks off.
Another time, when we went to take my Aunt shopping I was feeling particularly nervous because she had bought a new wig. Due to chemo she had lost her hair and instead of opting for the same silver grey that she was before, she decided to buy a beige blonde wig. I was more then a little concerned how my son would respond, so i cued him up to the fact that Aunty had bought a wig and decided to get a brand new colour just for a change.
So, we drove over to her apartment, she comes down to meet us and immediately chats to my son through the car window asking him.. "do you like my new hair?" ... to which he answered, "Oh yes, its very pretty"
My entire body just slumped in relief.. then she just had to push it and follow up with the question, "Did you recognize me?" to which he replied most indignantly, "Of course I did! I saw your krinkly face."
*laughs* if a truck had been coming down that road at that time I would have jumped in front of it! Luckily my Aunty was such a beautiful humble soul that she only chuckled and told him that it was very "lived in" face.
Our lives are made up of all these precious memories.. we all have our collection of children's stories that we retell over and over.. or other amusing tales and incidents.
They are part of what binds us to those we love. Indigenous Australians share their heritage through their stories of the dream time, just as other cultures share their ancestory through their story tellings.
In our family (and I am sure many other families) it is through our humourous tales and antedotes. When we can all be moved to tears of outrageous laughter as we recount a particular story or incident, it opens up our souls and hearts to each other, bringing us closer in ways that nothing else can.
In this day and age of bipolar, depression, post traumatic stress syndrome, and other psychological conditions, it helps to remember that sometimes all we need to do is relax, turn off the stress and turn on the humour instead.
Laughter really is the best medicine.. Ain't life funny?
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